The Stones That Remain

In the dust of our crumbling institutions,

in the dust of our crumbling witness,

in the dust of our crumbling fellowship,

the Servant kneels and writes,

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

And I gather the stones that remain

from my original allotment

and determine to build an altar

- regrettably smaller now that it might have been -

smaller for the want of wasted stones.

I gather the stones that remain

and determine to build an altar of worship.

Who will join me?

- by Terry W.York (from The Church Musician, 1996)

a poem about leaving our childish stone throwing behind

and using our energies for worship

Love vs Fear

A mother was thinking how to teach her 2 year old daughter to share a toy with her friends.

One day she saw her daughter fighting for a toy, so she came and talk nicely to the girl, asking her what would her friend feel if she grab the toy?

If she feels happy playing with the toy, wouldnt her friends also feel the same way if they can play the toy too?

And the girl learned...

Another mother was also thinking the same thing for her daughter.

One day when she witnessed her daughter fighting for a toy, she grabbed the girl, hit the girl's hand twice and scolding her for fighting.

The mother told the little girl that if she ever do that again, she will get 4 hits from the mother and not allow to play with her friends anymore.

And the girl learned...

There is no fear in love.

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

~1 John 4:18 (NIV)

Lord, help me to obey you out of love instead of simply fearing your punishments...

The Church: BCC

There are few churches in Singapore that had contribution in shaping my perspective of ministry.
I would like to mention Bartley Christian Church as the one that inspired, built, and encouraged me, not only to be a better minister, but most of all, to be a better person.
I enjoyed the choir rehearsals, relationship with the choir members, and even with the worship team members...yet I felt a bit lost when I visited them for the first time.
til I found the Indonesian (Domestic Helpers) Fellowship.
So beside leading the English choir, I brought myself involved in the fellowship..
Being actively involved in the fellowship brought me to a new perspective of mission, evangelism, and pastoral activities.
It helped me to see the people not merely as object of evangelism or even "mission field"...but the involvement helped me to see them as persons.
Listening to their struggles, problems, (and also thanksgivings!) made me realized that they are just like me... fallen human that needs to be comforted and mostly, loved.
At first I thought it will be "my duty and responsibility" to care for them, showing love, comforting or even praying for them...
but to my surprise, it wasnt about them at all..
I was showered by their love, cares, and even blessings such as cakes, kerupuk, and many other indonesian food that they cook for me.

It goes the same way with the people in the choir.
Again I thought I need to do so many pastoral things for them (beside teaching them anthems and vocal training)....at the end, I was again showered by their love, cares, and even prayers.
When I shared my struggles to them, they would really pray for me during the week and ask me again when they meet me.
Their commitment to serve God in choir truly amazed me.
Despite their heavy schedule of work and business appointments, they made choir schedule as priorities, and even put effort to listen to the youtube/mp3 links that are sent to them.
But the greatest blessings for me (as their conductor) were the times on the stage when we worship God together through worship songs, choral anthems, taize prayer songs...
Seeing the expression of worship in their eyes and in their gestures truly inspired me in worshipping God..and there I was, standing less than 3 meters in front of them.
Several times I didnt dare to look at the eyes of some persons during anthem presentations coz they were tearing when they sang the anthem...
I truly witness how the message of the anthems have touched their hearts,
and that same message is what they were trying to convey God's people who listen.
I think it's the core of the choir ministry.

It's no longer about "The choir sings beautiful!"
or "The sopranos were amazing" or "I love the male voices"....
(Yes, I was trapped in these things once)
Indeed it was a "breakthrough".. (a word from Ps.Joseph Lee, Worship Pastor@BCC)

The recent "choir exposure" trip had also blessed my own home church in Jakarta.
The coming of 14 persons with the age range from 14 to 70!! had inspired many choir members in my home church.
A mission school was blessed by their teaching and gifts
The youth was blessed by their friendly and encouraging attitudes.
Even the adults was blessed in witnessing what could happen when God's people united.
It was truly a blessed moments. (Ps 133)

These experience had also brought a revival in me.
PTL!

Counting My Blessings

People say, good memories are easily forgotten,
but bad memories, hurts, bitterness, hatreds, they stay (longer)...


coming to the last semester of my study,
I decided to count my blessings...
to help my "short-term memory" remember how good God has been to me,
and to remember how much I'm loved by Him through the people surround me :)

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

in the silent

I prayed like the psalmists
I grumbled of those who ruined my peace
I reported those who wronged me

Things I had been keeping inside my heart
cause they're not pleasant to be heard
Grudges I treasured inside my mind
cause I learned to "accept" others' differences
Today I poured them all

not to friends
nor to the closest one in my life
but only to You,
my Everlasting Comforter,
Source of fullness of peace
both in heart and mind

Cleanse my heart o, Lord

and grant me peace..

Final year begin..

Finally, i've become one of the the final year students in School of Church Music, SBC.
Just right before the school start, many "not so happy" news came in..
new students being discouraged by the stories regarding some teachers,
some returning students had their major teacher changed,
the bulky schedule where almost all SOCM students are having class in the same time, which will cause difficulties in setting up private lessons and personal practices....

yet it has been very encouraging to see 10 new students coming this year in music department,
plus the relationship within my classmates is getting much better after the straight-talk we had at class trip in Malacca, end of last semester.

This final year we are all preparing for our Senior Recital, with all the targets in mind, load of stress, physically and emotionally...and plannings for the future after graduation..
Hmm.. All these anxious thoughts I commit to my God and my Savior.

He was the One who had brought me here,
His grace has been overflow during my 3 years of study here,
I know He will bring me to the end of this journey of study.

Great is Thy faithfulness unto me.

beautiful for Him

Being single again after few years of relationship is never easy, especially when you're not "that" young anymore..
It means adjustments of the daily routines, priorities, future plans, which relates to ministry, families, and financial matters.
Not only that, it also means nights of wet pillow, panda-eyes, roller-coaster emotion, or even sleepless nights..

The worst feeling comes out of a broken relationship is the feeling of unworthiness.
at least that's the feeling I experienced..
There would be times when I thought of myself very low, not as being humble...
but more to insecure and lost of confident.
Going to the mirror just to feel ugly, old, and tired.
and worst: unloved.

This is one of the song that had brought blessing and comfort for me during those times.
I think this song should be a "MUST LISTEN" song for ALL ladies, despite of your age.
In your deepest despair, remember that there's Someone who never quit loving you..

Thank You, Lord
for I know You created me beautiful for You