in the silent

I prayed like the psalmists
I grumbled of those who ruined my peace
I reported those who wronged me

Things I had been keeping inside my heart
cause they're not pleasant to be heard
Grudges I treasured inside my mind
cause I learned to "accept" others' differences
Today I poured them all

not to friends
nor to the closest one in my life
but only to You,
my Everlasting Comforter,
Source of fullness of peace
both in heart and mind

Cleanse my heart o, Lord

and grant me peace..

Final year begin..

Finally, i've become one of the the final year students in School of Church Music, SBC.
Just right before the school start, many "not so happy" news came in..
new students being discouraged by the stories regarding some teachers,
some returning students had their major teacher changed,
the bulky schedule where almost all SOCM students are having class in the same time, which will cause difficulties in setting up private lessons and personal practices....

yet it has been very encouraging to see 10 new students coming this year in music department,
plus the relationship within my classmates is getting much better after the straight-talk we had at class trip in Malacca, end of last semester.

This final year we are all preparing for our Senior Recital, with all the targets in mind, load of stress, physically and emotionally...and plannings for the future after graduation..
Hmm.. All these anxious thoughts I commit to my God and my Savior.

He was the One who had brought me here,
His grace has been overflow during my 3 years of study here,
I know He will bring me to the end of this journey of study.

Great is Thy faithfulness unto me.

beautiful for Him

Being single again after few years of relationship is never easy, especially when you're not "that" young anymore..
It means adjustments of the daily routines, priorities, future plans, which relates to ministry, families, and financial matters.
Not only that, it also means nights of wet pillow, panda-eyes, roller-coaster emotion, or even sleepless nights..

The worst feeling comes out of a broken relationship is the feeling of unworthiness.
at least that's the feeling I experienced..
There would be times when I thought of myself very low, not as being humble...
but more to insecure and lost of confident.
Going to the mirror just to feel ugly, old, and tired.
and worst: unloved.

This is one of the song that had brought blessing and comfort for me during those times.
I think this song should be a "MUST LISTEN" song for ALL ladies, despite of your age.
In your deepest despair, remember that there's Someone who never quit loving you..

Thank You, Lord
for I know You created me beautiful for You

shower of blessings

This semester I have 10 final exams in 2 weeks.
4 exams in the first week, and the rest in the following week.
I have been stressed, sensitive, emotional, high tempered, and physically weak...

but, look how God shows His care....
He gave me angels to surround me with love and cares.. ^_^

nite before my grade 8 theory exam, Kristina Bjorkman paste this on my door...
gr.8 theory is one of the requirement to continue the 4th year..
if any of us doesnt pass this Trinity exam, he or she will certainly be granted only Diploma,
cannot continue to Bachelor degree..
It's not something like extremely difficult.. but the consequences that follow the exam was a scary thing for everybody in my class..



and then, the note came...
comforting..
and encouraging...

she knows I love cat pictures, so she drew a cat there.. hahaha..












then the first week ended.
and now, I'm facing 5 more exams (1 of the exams was changed into an assignment) and 2 final assignments all due in next week..

again, He showered me with a lovely blessing from my roommate...

chocolate always works!!
^_^

thank you, Lord...
for sending these 2 angels for me..

One day, a japanesse friend shared in the music chapel based on 1 Thess 5: 16-18
"Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

It was a very encouraging moment for me...
she's not sharing this in an easy circumstances.
She was facing tremendous marriage problem while alone in a country that she has no relatives.
But it was through this problem, God called her to know Him, and even used her as channel to blessed, to encourage, to comfort other ladies facing the same problem.
It was one night that she comfort another lady with the same problem she experienced, she sang a song to comfort this lady.
It's a Japanesse song (I totally forgot how to pronounce it!!) with children tune, which words are taken from this passage.
The writer shared something along with the song.

Here is the quote that my japanesse friend shared based on the passages:
when u just couldnt find any reason to be happy, be joyful always!
when u're too busy to pray, pray unceasingly!
when facing the difficult circumstances n discouraging people, give thanks!
~ Rennie Ohtani

Joy is not a state of heart without problem,
but it is the presence of Christ.

me and peter

yes, I'm talking about Peter, the apostle of Jesus Christ!!

During these few weeks, I don't know how many times I've heard about Peter, or message taken from Peter's epistle.
Out of nowhere, my thought flew to him personally.
I remember him as the fastest among Jesus' disciples to give responses, answers, and even fast to do what he thinks right.
remember:
Peter's answer on Jesus's question "who am I" on Luke 9:18-27;
Peter's response during the transfiguration on Luke 9:33
Peter's promise to defend Jesus during the Last Supper on Luke 22:33
Peter's action when Jesus was arrested on John 18:10
and finally,
Peter's answer on Jesus' question "do you love me" on John 21:15-25

I reflect on myself....
remembering how I often (if not ALMOST ALWAYS) give quick response in anything..
looking at Peter's life was like having a mirror in front of me.
fast of answering, giving response in some matters, and even putting into acts without a deeper thoughts about it.

Being realized of this attitude inside me, sometimes I remember to withhold my responses to spend more time to think deeper about it..
Although many times the response seldom change from the first response I made, I know I would have a better reason to have this particular response.
And this reason is the one that uphold me in times of uncertainty, discourage, or confusion.

But in some cases, I thank God for these "fast response" I had..
knowing that if I didn't do/answer earlier, I might have changed my mind and lose the opportunities.

Aaargghh...
Life really put me in so many choices, options which can lead to different things...
just like an old children book I used to read, when you think A then go to "this" page, if you think B then go to "this" page...
each option you take will brings you to the different "Ending" of the stories.

My anxiousness turned to joy when I remember of Rom8:28
"And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"
This promise certainly comforts me, just like fresh dew in the dry morning...
Knowing that He will uphold me, no matter what I decision I made.

It doesn't mean I can choose carelessly and ask Him to make it "right"....
but for me personally,
it's more to having certainty in whatever response I made, GOD is "at work".
Just like he drew Peter back with his three question on "do you love me"...
curing Peter's feeling of unworthiness and disappointment...

He cares.
And just as He didnt leave Peter with his "unworthy" condition,
I believe that He will do the same if I come to a "wrong" choice..

so, don't quit, Eirene!!
keep pressing on...
and thank God for everything He has given inside you.
^_^

the differences..

An interesting fact happened when I was helping two of my classmates in "ear training" subject.
Like usual I gave them a few bars of melodic line and then asked them to write them in the manuscript paper.
My classmates were writing in their own papers and doing a little bit humming, and solfege-ing :p
Suddenly one of them asked me about a note and when I answered him, the other one got confused and started to ask me questions regarding the melodies I gave them because my answer to the other boy confused him. When I explained to the second boy, the first boy also got confused!

Suddenly I laughed, because they were not "talking" in the same language..!!
The first boy has perfect pitch, so he and I were talking in the fixed DO context, while the other boy was thinking in movable DO, so it doesn't make sense to him. And when I explained to the second boy I was talking in movable DO, so it confused the first boy.
I was stunned by the fact that with a single melody line, you can grabbed different methods, but at the end, the "end-product" could not be different.

Personally, I encountered this fact also regarding the Word of God.
How come the same Word, the same Bible, the same faith could bring people in such a great disunity.. I haven't had Doctrines as my course subjects for now, but I'm looking forward to it, and I recall one of my friend explained the debate between Armenian and Calvinist, and how she got almost frustrated in making paper on it..

I would tend to think for myself hmm....perhaps what people call, apathetic.
There might be different ways to understand the Bible, to put our faith into our limited words and logic, but the end-product is the most important thing.
Are we going to sit down and spend our life time just to discuss our faith?
Will more words and talks transform our lives...?

No wonder James could bravely said,
Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2:17)

I believe our faith transform not only our minds and souls, but also our lives.
And the end-product of the real faith doesn't need to be spoken out, it will be simply seen.
And I believe that is much more attractive for others to know our Lord than a grand debate on doctrines.

I know HE watches me

A couple times living far from home made me have 2 extreme feelings.
Sometimes I could just live as if I have no relatives, and living a "peaceful" life in my own world, without knowing or just didn't give any care for the problems and all those struggles at home.
I could feel as if I'm an outsider, no need to interfere in "their" internal matters, let "them" handle "their" problems. And I was happy with those thoughts, I enjoy my "singleness" and living it out with contentment.

On the other hand,
when I finally brought myself to the understanding for my family's internal matters, my life became fulled of worries, confuses and a lot of anxious thoughts just floating in my mind.
My sleeps become restless, my appetite suddenly gone, and sometimes it also distracts me from my focus.

And it stroke again in these few days.
the anxiousness was coming..
thoughts about my "baby" sister, about her education and her needs,
about my parents and their relationship,
about my brother and his apathetic manner towards our family's issues,
about their occupation and financial matters,
about their daily life and the household's needs,
etc..etc..

though I have already had a lot of lessons regarding anxiousness,
still.... I must learn, and continue learning..
to trust the ONE who settled us all in this family,
under the rule of HIS servant, named Soegijanto.

learn to surrender fully unto HIM,
trust in HIS provision,
keep counting HIS blessings,
rely on HIS love,
and desire HIS will.

Often I felt discouraged, with the length of my studies here I can barely do anything for them. But my prayer will always be with them, putting my faith unto HIM who will always care and the only ONE who can always be there for each of them.
He who puts HIS eye on the sparrow, would watches my family even more....

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
and long for heav'n and home

When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

His Eye is On the Sparrow by Civilla D.Martin,
music by Charles H.Gabriel