I know HE watches me

A couple times living far from home made me have 2 extreme feelings.
Sometimes I could just live as if I have no relatives, and living a "peaceful" life in my own world, without knowing or just didn't give any care for the problems and all those struggles at home.
I could feel as if I'm an outsider, no need to interfere in "their" internal matters, let "them" handle "their" problems. And I was happy with those thoughts, I enjoy my "singleness" and living it out with contentment.

On the other hand,
when I finally brought myself to the understanding for my family's internal matters, my life became fulled of worries, confuses and a lot of anxious thoughts just floating in my mind.
My sleeps become restless, my appetite suddenly gone, and sometimes it also distracts me from my focus.

And it stroke again in these few days.
the anxiousness was coming..
thoughts about my "baby" sister, about her education and her needs,
about my parents and their relationship,
about my brother and his apathetic manner towards our family's issues,
about their occupation and financial matters,
about their daily life and the household's needs,
etc..etc..

though I have already had a lot of lessons regarding anxiousness,
still.... I must learn, and continue learning..
to trust the ONE who settled us all in this family,
under the rule of HIS servant, named Soegijanto.

learn to surrender fully unto HIM,
trust in HIS provision,
keep counting HIS blessings,
rely on HIS love,
and desire HIS will.

Often I felt discouraged, with the length of my studies here I can barely do anything for them. But my prayer will always be with them, putting my faith unto HIM who will always care and the only ONE who can always be there for each of them.
He who puts HIS eye on the sparrow, would watches my family even more....

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
and long for heav'n and home

When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

His Eye is On the Sparrow by Civilla D.Martin,
music by Charles H.Gabriel