Counting My Blessings

People say, good memories are easily forgotten,
but bad memories, hurts, bitterness, hatreds, they stay (longer)...


coming to the last semester of my study,
I decided to count my blessings...
to help my "short-term memory" remember how good God has been to me,
and to remember how much I'm loved by Him through the people surround me :)

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

beautiful for Him

Being single again after few years of relationship is never easy, especially when you're not "that" young anymore..
It means adjustments of the daily routines, priorities, future plans, which relates to ministry, families, and financial matters.
Not only that, it also means nights of wet pillow, panda-eyes, roller-coaster emotion, or even sleepless nights..

The worst feeling comes out of a broken relationship is the feeling of unworthiness.
at least that's the feeling I experienced..
There would be times when I thought of myself very low, not as being humble...
but more to insecure and lost of confident.
Going to the mirror just to feel ugly, old, and tired.
and worst: unloved.

This is one of the song that had brought blessing and comfort for me during those times.
I think this song should be a "MUST LISTEN" song for ALL ladies, despite of your age.
In your deepest despair, remember that there's Someone who never quit loving you..

Thank You, Lord
for I know You created me beautiful for You

One day, a japanesse friend shared in the music chapel based on 1 Thess 5: 16-18
"Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

It was a very encouraging moment for me...
she's not sharing this in an easy circumstances.
She was facing tremendous marriage problem while alone in a country that she has no relatives.
But it was through this problem, God called her to know Him, and even used her as channel to blessed, to encourage, to comfort other ladies facing the same problem.
It was one night that she comfort another lady with the same problem she experienced, she sang a song to comfort this lady.
It's a Japanesse song (I totally forgot how to pronounce it!!) with children tune, which words are taken from this passage.
The writer shared something along with the song.

Here is the quote that my japanesse friend shared based on the passages:
when u just couldnt find any reason to be happy, be joyful always!
when u're too busy to pray, pray unceasingly!
when facing the difficult circumstances n discouraging people, give thanks!
~ Rennie Ohtani

Joy is not a state of heart without problem,
but it is the presence of Christ.

The Bakkwa

After finishing the choir rehearsal at my FE (field education) church last Saturday evening, like usual I went to AMK to shop some stuff.
When I passed a bakkwa (barbecued pork) store, I was thinking...
"hmm...having bakkwa would be nice.."

So I thought I would consider again later after I finished my shopping. Having finished the shopping, I walked home and passed that store again.
I started to walk slower, looking at the price (it was above 50 SGD/kg), and counting how many grams would I buy and how much would it cost me..
After silently counting, I got an approximate cost. It would cost 3 to 4 times of meals at the hawker. And I was about to spend it only for bakkwa??
I finally decided not to buy that and went home straight away.

Later that night, I was practicing piano at the music studio, suddenly out of nowhere, my friend Kok Sieng (Joshua) came and offered me cookies from his auntie. He got a package of Chinese New Year foods. He was asking me if I want to take some cookies, and I deliberately asked him if it was a bakkwa filling cookies or not.. and he laugh.. (is there EVER any bakkwa cookies???) He just replied, it's green bean cookies. So I took 1 small cookie from his jar, then he suddenly said.. "but I do have some bakkwa.." My eyes became bigger as I looked at him. I think my eyes was as big as a goldfish's eyes!
He told me to follow him out of the studio and opened his box of package. He took out a package of bakkwa and offered me to take 1 slice.
I was so amazed, never thought that my little "desire" would be fulfilled. At that night before I slept, I talked with God and thanked Him for answering my "wish" for bakkwa..
^^


Later on Sunday morning, the conggregation and the choir sang "All The Way My Savior Leads Me" at the end of the service.
I recalled once God also answered Fanny J. Crosby's prayer just in a few moments, that inspire her to write a poem, which latter on was musicalized into that familiar hymn.

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who thro' life has been my Guide?
Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell
For I know, whatever befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

(text: Fanny J.Crosby; music: Robert Lowry)

He was not only listening to my prayer,
but He knew my "silent desire"
and He just showed His mercies upon me.
It was never a coincidence.

My lips shall praise Thee
for Thy loving kindness is better than life.

I know HE watches me

A couple times living far from home made me have 2 extreme feelings.
Sometimes I could just live as if I have no relatives, and living a "peaceful" life in my own world, without knowing or just didn't give any care for the problems and all those struggles at home.
I could feel as if I'm an outsider, no need to interfere in "their" internal matters, let "them" handle "their" problems. And I was happy with those thoughts, I enjoy my "singleness" and living it out with contentment.

On the other hand,
when I finally brought myself to the understanding for my family's internal matters, my life became fulled of worries, confuses and a lot of anxious thoughts just floating in my mind.
My sleeps become restless, my appetite suddenly gone, and sometimes it also distracts me from my focus.

And it stroke again in these few days.
the anxiousness was coming..
thoughts about my "baby" sister, about her education and her needs,
about my parents and their relationship,
about my brother and his apathetic manner towards our family's issues,
about their occupation and financial matters,
about their daily life and the household's needs,
etc..etc..

though I have already had a lot of lessons regarding anxiousness,
still.... I must learn, and continue learning..
to trust the ONE who settled us all in this family,
under the rule of HIS servant, named Soegijanto.

learn to surrender fully unto HIM,
trust in HIS provision,
keep counting HIS blessings,
rely on HIS love,
and desire HIS will.

Often I felt discouraged, with the length of my studies here I can barely do anything for them. But my prayer will always be with them, putting my faith unto HIM who will always care and the only ONE who can always be there for each of them.
He who puts HIS eye on the sparrow, would watches my family even more....

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
and long for heav'n and home

When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

His Eye is On the Sparrow by Civilla D.Martin,
music by Charles H.Gabriel