grow old vs grow up

Usually the "most sensitive" day of the year would be my birthday, but this year...
preparing for the junior recital has been making me much more sensitive than ever!

Usually the "most sensitive" day is literally a one day thing...
but this "sensitive" mood has been going for dayzzzzz...
(even worst than having period!)

i've been daydreaming on a lot of bad things..
imagining a lot of "what if"s..
crying silently during meditation, in the class, and before sleep..
easily discouraged by others' comments..
having detailed planning of how to take revenge of it..
or simply imagining of shouting back to them..
complaining to God about them..
complaining to God for having this emotion inside of me..
thinking of hiding in the corner under my table with my bolster and blanket for the whole day..


aarghh.. >.<
still wondering until now..
when will i become an emotionally matured person?
when will i have a "weather-proofed" heart?

a new decade of my life is about to come..
yet here i am..still with a childish thought and emotion..

grow up, will you..?!!

The "new" Beautitudes

Jesus said:
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.
With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.
Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less -
That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God.
He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

You're blessed when you care.
At the moment of being "care-full", you find yourselves cared for.

You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right.
Then you can see God in the outside world.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.
That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.
The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit Me.
What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable.

Matthew 5:3-11 ~ The Message

A new horizon arose in me when I read this "new" Beautitudes.
Thank God for "The Message".
When we think that we've lost something, we actually gain more...
Cheer up, we're blessed! ^_^

shower of blessings

This semester I have 10 final exams in 2 weeks.
4 exams in the first week, and the rest in the following week.
I have been stressed, sensitive, emotional, high tempered, and physically weak...

but, look how God shows His care....
He gave me angels to surround me with love and cares.. ^_^

nite before my grade 8 theory exam, Kristina Bjorkman paste this on my door...
gr.8 theory is one of the requirement to continue the 4th year..
if any of us doesnt pass this Trinity exam, he or she will certainly be granted only Diploma,
cannot continue to Bachelor degree..
It's not something like extremely difficult.. but the consequences that follow the exam was a scary thing for everybody in my class..



and then, the note came...
comforting..
and encouraging...

she knows I love cat pictures, so she drew a cat there.. hahaha..












then the first week ended.
and now, I'm facing 5 more exams (1 of the exams was changed into an assignment) and 2 final assignments all due in next week..

again, He showered me with a lovely blessing from my roommate...

chocolate always works!!
^_^

thank you, Lord...
for sending these 2 angels for me..

Andaikan....

Few years ago, I went to Bali to visit my friend's family.
I never thought that the visit brought me a new family there.
His parents were so nice and warm towards me (and my other friend), and I still remember I went with tears when I left his parents' house.

This week, they came to Singapore!
It's actually for shushu (my friend's father)'s heart surgery.
I visited them a couple of times during their stay @ Raffles Hospital, and always enjoyed their warmth welcome...
They left Singapore today as Shushu's recovery from the surgery went well.
I hope to meet you again, Shushu, yiyi...

this is Shushu's favorite song when I met him the first time in Bali.
Everytime I listen to this song, I would remember him...





and somehow the lyrics become real with what's happening inside my heart right now...

With God's strength, I'll go on
only, I wish.....

One day, a japanesse friend shared in the music chapel based on 1 Thess 5: 16-18
"Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

It was a very encouraging moment for me...
she's not sharing this in an easy circumstances.
She was facing tremendous marriage problem while alone in a country that she has no relatives.
But it was through this problem, God called her to know Him, and even used her as channel to blessed, to encourage, to comfort other ladies facing the same problem.
It was one night that she comfort another lady with the same problem she experienced, she sang a song to comfort this lady.
It's a Japanesse song (I totally forgot how to pronounce it!!) with children tune, which words are taken from this passage.
The writer shared something along with the song.

Here is the quote that my japanesse friend shared based on the passages:
when u just couldnt find any reason to be happy, be joyful always!
when u're too busy to pray, pray unceasingly!
when facing the difficult circumstances n discouraging people, give thanks!
~ Rennie Ohtani

Joy is not a state of heart without problem,
but it is the presence of Christ.

a reminder

Today I read an interesting quote in "Lady in Waiting":
- impression without expression leads to depression -

hmm...reminded me on my blog..
should write more before I'm heading to depression :p

the DAY

the day is coming AGAIN.....

while all the people are saying wishes and happy this - happy that...
here i am, seated in the silence...
facing the MOST sensitive day of the year...