a reminder

Today I read an interesting quote in "Lady in Waiting":
- impression without expression leads to depression -

hmm...reminded me on my blog..
should write more before I'm heading to depression :p

the DAY

the day is coming AGAIN.....

while all the people are saying wishes and happy this - happy that...
here i am, seated in the silence...
facing the MOST sensitive day of the year...

no title

she sleeps around 1 am everyday, wakes up at 5am to do her daily devotion and Bible reading.
morning cleaning duty comes after that, then half an hour jogging to Botanic Garden.
Breakfast, shower and make up.
Then her day "starts".

Reading assignments,
Theology papers,
Sermon assignments,
Harmony homework,
Classes,
Ear training and conducting self-practice,
Music Lessons,
Chapels,
Student Council meetings and tasks,
Duties required for scholarship, 4 hours a week,
also need to practice for music lessons too!! hmm..say, 2-3 hours per day.
must practice for church ministry also! practice their choral songs, congregation songs.

Suddenly out of nowhere someone came to her life.
what?? extra time for listening to your problems?
extra time to help you with your songs?
extra time to rehearse your songs?
I almost don't have time for myself!
Can't you see I'm very busy that I can't even breathe?

no judgments made.
simply wondering if her Bible is different with mine.
or perhaps it's just a "clash" of perspective?

a decision.

it's never an easy decision...
after so much time, emotion, and energy consumed, a difficult decision has to be made.
many things could be learned from the past,and somehow I hope have gained some growth in me.


here I am.
alone yet not lonely.
single yet contented.
no regret, only Praise the Lord.

"I know that you can do all things;
no plans of yours can be thwarted."
Job 42:1

to give up or not to give up

Should this part be played crescendo or diminuendo?
Is this part still belong to the phrase or it's the echo?
Should it be louder or softer than the previous one?
How loud is forte, and how loud is mf?
wrong fingering, think how should it be..
it's not forte, you were BANGing it!
play softer, with more flat fingers..
the running notes are not even..
left and right must be together!

desperate :(
my techniques and my knowledge are not there yet.
i'm not qualified for this exam.
i'm not even qualified to play this instrument.
i'm only a piano-minor.

"What are you doing, Eirene?"
--I'm giving up.


Look up!
then look around..
exam is not about getting distinctions..
many people had merits or even simply passed, but they passed.
it's the process.
how the endurance is being built,
humility to be molded,
patience to persevere,
and to experience God's grace and strength instead of my own.

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world—not even our troubles."

Charlie Chaplin

Thank you, Lord....

in remembrance of
a lonely night
@ Singapore Botanic Garden

Thank you, Lord..
for always being there for me..

teachable...

It is almost the end of my second semester here, and next week will be our jury week.
yesterday, my voice lecturer, Mrs. Alice Mui said this to me at the end of my voice lesson,
"i really enjoyed teaching you.. you are so teachable.."

her encouragement made me reflect back to my last semester memories of voice lessons,
even to my journal which I wrote on last semester about this...

it was never been easy for me...
God knows how many times I got angry to her,
not knowing what she really wants from me,
having strange feeling in the technical things she asked me to do,
and even got sick of singing....


when I went home, people said I sang clearer and better,
and I stood there, confused...what's the different..?
I thought I didnt get anything "new" from my teacher.

as I realized how arrogant I was,
I knelt and asked GOD a heart fulled of desire to learn,
a humble heart...
a disciple heart...
a servant heart...

and if I can be as I am now...
enjoying every lesson I have with her, and even more lessons outside the regular times...
enjoying being "mold" by her,
happily shaped into what she thinks is better for me..

that kind of heart..
that kind of attitude..
I know exactly it's TOTALLY because of God's grace,
because of His love...

dan bila aku berdiri
tegar sampai hari ini
bukan karena kuat dan hebatku
semua karena Cinta
terima kasih, Cinta....

Lord, please help me to stay consistent...