I know HE watches me

A couple times living far from home made me have 2 extreme feelings.
Sometimes I could just live as if I have no relatives, and living a "peaceful" life in my own world, without knowing or just didn't give any care for the problems and all those struggles at home.
I could feel as if I'm an outsider, no need to interfere in "their" internal matters, let "them" handle "their" problems. And I was happy with those thoughts, I enjoy my "singleness" and living it out with contentment.

On the other hand,
when I finally brought myself to the understanding for my family's internal matters, my life became fulled of worries, confuses and a lot of anxious thoughts just floating in my mind.
My sleeps become restless, my appetite suddenly gone, and sometimes it also distracts me from my focus.

And it stroke again in these few days.
the anxiousness was coming..
thoughts about my "baby" sister, about her education and her needs,
about my parents and their relationship,
about my brother and his apathetic manner towards our family's issues,
about their occupation and financial matters,
about their daily life and the household's needs,
etc..etc..

though I have already had a lot of lessons regarding anxiousness,
still.... I must learn, and continue learning..
to trust the ONE who settled us all in this family,
under the rule of HIS servant, named Soegijanto.

learn to surrender fully unto HIM,
trust in HIS provision,
keep counting HIS blessings,
rely on HIS love,
and desire HIS will.

Often I felt discouraged, with the length of my studies here I can barely do anything for them. But my prayer will always be with them, putting my faith unto HIM who will always care and the only ONE who can always be there for each of them.
He who puts HIS eye on the sparrow, would watches my family even more....

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
and long for heav'n and home

When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me

His Eye is On the Sparrow by Civilla D.Martin,
music by Charles H.Gabriel

tired...

the second semester is only going to the 3rd week, but somehow i feel exhausted already.

I started this semester with sore throat, losing voice and coughing..
made me spend extra time for making lohanguo drinks, honey-lemon drinks, chrysantemum tea, salt-lemon concentrate, salt-water, steamed pear with chinese medicine, shopping extra fruits like apples, bananas, etc..
ooh..

I was so very occupied that I'd just realized, I didnt even bring my illness to GOD, my creator, the ONE who knows my body more than everyone in the whole world..
what on earth was I talking about in my prayers everyday anyway???????!!!
aaargghhh...

sometimes I can really do "formal" prayers with "default" words and sentences.. >.<
and other times I think He is so great that He wouldn't be interested in my "tiny-little" problems.. like sore throat..
when I started to lose my voice, couldnt follow the choir rehearsals' schedule, cancelling the voice lesson.. only then I started to realized, this isn't tiny anymore..
and only by then I realized, I havent even mentioned my throat to Him..!
not that He didnt know about it..
it just showed how shallow my relationship with Him lately, I think..
I can easily mentioned about it to my friends, but how could I missed telling Him about it..??!!
the coughing hasn't ended yet, suddenly the allergic symptoms came..
it's all over my face, although it's not too bad, it's just confusing me..
what happened to my body??
hmmph.. >.<

then this thing happened..
I lost my keys. Dorm-card, room key, and mailbox key.
all of that cost me 25 S$ because I tried looking for them for 2days and still couldnt find it.
I got stress up, confused, and just...disturbed with this case.
I could't stop feeling upset to myself, thinking how careless I was..
so I finally decided to give up, so just paid to the bussiness office, get the new dorm-card, waiting for the rest of keys being duplicated..
and suddenly this afternoon my roommate found my keys during her cleaning our room..
somehow it was in her basket on her table..
how could it be??? no one could ever answer that question, I think..
hmmph.. >.<

and at the end of this 2nd week, when I scrolled down my agenda, I saw the due dates of my assignments were just..coming..and keep coming..and keep coming..
so many things to be read, to be written, to be practiced, to be sung, and it's just keep going and going..
aaarrrghhh.....


Lord, You know I'm not as healthy and as strong as people think I am..
I'm physically weak..
I'm sick now..
not only physically, but also with my life, I guess..
I'm tired..
I just wanna rest for a while..
sleep for a day..
well...a little longer would be better..

but...
I know You dont call me to come here just to sleep..

then...
I remember..

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"
II Cor 12:9

I just want to come into Your loving arm, and rest there..
May in my weaknesses, Your power be known, O Lord..

e.

the fruit...

John 15:1-8

the verse i got from yesterday's service, spoken by God through His servant, Rev.Freddy Lay..
exposing about the fruits of a tree that attract people to see the tree.
I tried to track back my life..
in my attitude,
in my words,
in my cares for others,
in my services (so-called:serving GOD),
in my piano-playing,
in my singing,
in my dreams toward the future...

who would people see through all of that??
Can people see God through my life?
hmm...

and where did those fruits coming from anyway?
they came from the branches that stick on the tree!
"If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing." (v.5b)

Three wonderful things that happen when we abide in Him:
* a fruitful life
* a trustful life
* a disciple's life


Lord, as I serve You, ministering your people,
strengthened me to always abide in You.



PS:
Today is the first time I heard with my own ear, i'm called by:
GI.Eirene Soegijanto (preacher Eirene Soegijanto)

aaaarrghh..
I'm so surprised and embarrassed..
I was like...opening my big mouth and just can't believe what I read in PPT and heard from the pulpit..
for me, the name was just..hmm..
it consists of a HUGE responsibility,
mature and godly attitude,
calm and gentle character,
and just sounds...not me...YET(??)

-- so help me God –

again.. a new start

FINALLY!!
i can have my personal account in blogspot... yay!!! ^^


my previous blog can hardly be reached these days.. :(
so anyway..

I'm glad to have this blog in the beginning of my 2nd semester in Singapore Bible College (SBC), not only to continue my spiritual-journaling, but also as a remembrance of God's provision, blessings, grace and mercy throughout my life and my family's.

and for now...
I thank God for the excitement facing the new semester and the years ahead..
^^

e.