The Church: BCC

There are few churches in Singapore that had contribution in shaping my perspective of ministry.
I would like to mention Bartley Christian Church as the one that inspired, built, and encouraged me, not only to be a better minister, but most of all, to be a better person.
I enjoyed the choir rehearsals, relationship with the choir members, and even with the worship team members...yet I felt a bit lost when I visited them for the first time.
til I found the Indonesian (Domestic Helpers) Fellowship.
So beside leading the English choir, I brought myself involved in the fellowship..
Being actively involved in the fellowship brought me to a new perspective of mission, evangelism, and pastoral activities.
It helped me to see the people not merely as object of evangelism or even "mission field"...but the involvement helped me to see them as persons.
Listening to their struggles, problems, (and also thanksgivings!) made me realized that they are just like me... fallen human that needs to be comforted and mostly, loved.
At first I thought it will be "my duty and responsibility" to care for them, showing love, comforting or even praying for them...
but to my surprise, it wasnt about them at all..
I was showered by their love, cares, and even blessings such as cakes, kerupuk, and many other indonesian food that they cook for me.

It goes the same way with the people in the choir.
Again I thought I need to do so many pastoral things for them (beside teaching them anthems and vocal training)....at the end, I was again showered by their love, cares, and even prayers.
When I shared my struggles to them, they would really pray for me during the week and ask me again when they meet me.
Their commitment to serve God in choir truly amazed me.
Despite their heavy schedule of work and business appointments, they made choir schedule as priorities, and even put effort to listen to the youtube/mp3 links that are sent to them.
But the greatest blessings for me (as their conductor) were the times on the stage when we worship God together through worship songs, choral anthems, taize prayer songs...
Seeing the expression of worship in their eyes and in their gestures truly inspired me in worshipping God..and there I was, standing less than 3 meters in front of them.
Several times I didnt dare to look at the eyes of some persons during anthem presentations coz they were tearing when they sang the anthem...
I truly witness how the message of the anthems have touched their hearts,
and that same message is what they were trying to convey God's people who listen.
I think it's the core of the choir ministry.

It's no longer about "The choir sings beautiful!"
or "The sopranos were amazing" or "I love the male voices"....
(Yes, I was trapped in these things once)
Indeed it was a "breakthrough".. (a word from Ps.Joseph Lee, Worship Pastor@BCC)

The recent "choir exposure" trip had also blessed my own home church in Jakarta.
The coming of 14 persons with the age range from 14 to 70!! had inspired many choir members in my home church.
A mission school was blessed by their teaching and gifts
The youth was blessed by their friendly and encouraging attitudes.
Even the adults was blessed in witnessing what could happen when God's people united.
It was truly a blessed moments. (Ps 133)

These experience had also brought a revival in me.
PTL!

Counting My Blessings

People say, good memories are easily forgotten,
but bad memories, hurts, bitterness, hatreds, they stay (longer)...


coming to the last semester of my study,
I decided to count my blessings...
to help my "short-term memory" remember how good God has been to me,
and to remember how much I'm loved by Him through the people surround me :)

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

in the silent

I prayed like the psalmists
I grumbled of those who ruined my peace
I reported those who wronged me

Things I had been keeping inside my heart
cause they're not pleasant to be heard
Grudges I treasured inside my mind
cause I learned to "accept" others' differences
Today I poured them all

not to friends
nor to the closest one in my life
but only to You,
my Everlasting Comforter,
Source of fullness of peace
both in heart and mind

Cleanse my heart o, Lord

and grant me peace..

Final year begin..

Finally, i've become one of the the final year students in School of Church Music, SBC.
Just right before the school start, many "not so happy" news came in..
new students being discouraged by the stories regarding some teachers,
some returning students had their major teacher changed,
the bulky schedule where almost all SOCM students are having class in the same time, which will cause difficulties in setting up private lessons and personal practices....

yet it has been very encouraging to see 10 new students coming this year in music department,
plus the relationship within my classmates is getting much better after the straight-talk we had at class trip in Malacca, end of last semester.

This final year we are all preparing for our Senior Recital, with all the targets in mind, load of stress, physically and emotionally...and plannings for the future after graduation..
Hmm.. All these anxious thoughts I commit to my God and my Savior.

He was the One who had brought me here,
His grace has been overflow during my 3 years of study here,
I know He will bring me to the end of this journey of study.

Great is Thy faithfulness unto me.

beautiful for Him

Being single again after few years of relationship is never easy, especially when you're not "that" young anymore..
It means adjustments of the daily routines, priorities, future plans, which relates to ministry, families, and financial matters.
Not only that, it also means nights of wet pillow, panda-eyes, roller-coaster emotion, or even sleepless nights..

The worst feeling comes out of a broken relationship is the feeling of unworthiness.
at least that's the feeling I experienced..
There would be times when I thought of myself very low, not as being humble...
but more to insecure and lost of confident.
Going to the mirror just to feel ugly, old, and tired.
and worst: unloved.

This is one of the song that had brought blessing and comfort for me during those times.
I think this song should be a "MUST LISTEN" song for ALL ladies, despite of your age.
In your deepest despair, remember that there's Someone who never quit loving you..

Thank You, Lord
for I know You created me beautiful for You

grow old vs grow up

Usually the "most sensitive" day of the year would be my birthday, but this year...
preparing for the junior recital has been making me much more sensitive than ever!

Usually the "most sensitive" day is literally a one day thing...
but this "sensitive" mood has been going for dayzzzzz...
(even worst than having period!)

i've been daydreaming on a lot of bad things..
imagining a lot of "what if"s..
crying silently during meditation, in the class, and before sleep..
easily discouraged by others' comments..
having detailed planning of how to take revenge of it..
or simply imagining of shouting back to them..
complaining to God about them..
complaining to God for having this emotion inside of me..
thinking of hiding in the corner under my table with my bolster and blanket for the whole day..


aarghh.. >.<
still wondering until now..
when will i become an emotionally matured person?
when will i have a "weather-proofed" heart?

a new decade of my life is about to come..
yet here i am..still with a childish thought and emotion..

grow up, will you..?!!

The "new" Beautitudes

Jesus said:
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.
With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.
Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less -
That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God.
He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

You're blessed when you care.
At the moment of being "care-full", you find yourselves cared for.

You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right.
Then you can see God in the outside world.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.
That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.
The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit Me.
What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable.

Matthew 5:3-11 ~ The Message

A new horizon arose in me when I read this "new" Beautitudes.
Thank God for "The Message".
When we think that we've lost something, we actually gain more...
Cheer up, we're blessed! ^_^